Friendship: Mutual Affection and Esteem
Although there are all kinds of friendships, the deepest and most fundamental is centered on selfless concern for another person. In true friendship, each party cares about the other for that other's own sake. To be a true friend is to put our friend first.
True friends really care about each other's full happiness. If I am your friend, I want what is best for you. This means that I want to be useful to you and make life enjoyable for you. But even more, it means that I want you to be wise and good, for only then can you be fully happy. Because true friendship is based on a mutual commitment to help each other grow in wisdom and virtue, it tends to last, for these goods cannot be lost owing to changes in fortune.
In true friendship, there is no envy or jealousy. Friends do not begrudge the fact that one has achieved or been given some good that the other does not have, but they rejoice in each other's success. Nor is friendship exclusive; it naturally gives rise to and nourishes other friendships. Friends are happy that their friends have other friends. If I am a real friend, I would even give up my chance for glory so that my friend might have it. This commitment to the full happiness
of others is the ideal of all human relation.
Fellowship: Mutual enjoyment and camaraderie
Fellowship is a necessary and pleasant part of our lives. But unlike true friendship, fellowship is not necessarily centered on the good of another. It may be centered simply on the pleasure of entertaining company. Fellowship is compatible with putting ourselves first.
In fellowship, our care for one another is secondary to our desire for enjoyment. Our fellowship need not involve any dedication to promote each other's full happiness. Perhaps we share a desire for some object or activity, or maybe we just have fun together. There is nothing wrong with such a relationship, but it lacks the deep commitment characteristic of true friendship. Since fellowship depends on mutual enjoyment, it may not last beyond our first disagreement.
Although fellowship falls short of the full mutual commitment characteristic of true friendship, it is an important ingredient in social relations. It makes interacting with others easier and more pleasant. Clubs, sports teams, organizations, and businesses all benefit from the cultivation of fellowship. Fellowship supports a spirit of cooperation, contributing to the efficiency and enjoyment of such groups. In addition to being useful and pleasant, fellowship may eventually develop into true friendship.
